A Waiting Game...

I hate waiting.  Hate it with a vengeance.  Maybe that's why God is making me wait another month.  That's how long until the renal doctors get back to me about the whole kidney donation process.  This week I met with the renal doctor in charge of my kidney donation process.  We went through (in great detail) the results of the echocardiogram of my heart and he confirmed what the cardiologist said - I have bicuspid aortic valve defect.  Or as he says - it's not a defect, it's an anomaly.  ;-)

In any case, we went over all the options that are available at the moment, but he didn't give me a clear answer as to which option is going to be the final one picked!  He is waiting for his surgical team to get back to him as to what they see as the next step. There are several members of the team - the 2 surgeons (1 for me the donor and 1 for the recipient) anesthesiologist, the renal coordinators and even a medical ethics officer - so that is why we have to wait a month for them to get back to me.

So here are the 3 options that we discussed...

1. NO - if ether myself or the surgical team say no, we don't want to go forward anymore, then it ends right now.  It could be that the surgeons say that they don't want to take the risk because I have the defect/anomaly.  For them, they have to think about BOTH the recipient AND the donor (me), so they might decide that the risk is too great.  If this is the case, then everything ends now and they will discharge me


2. LATER - there is the option that I can wait for a time, maybe a year or so, and IF the recipient hasn't received a kidney yet and IF my heart condition hasn't gotten worse (they'll do another echocardiogram, ECG and stress test), then they MIGHT start the whole donation process up again.   If this is the case, then everything is now put on ice for an indefinite time.


3. YES - or if both I AND the surgical team think the benefits outweigh the risks and we are BOTH willing to take the calculated risk and go ahead with the donation, then we can move forward with the surgery.  From what the doctor said, this is probably the least likely of the 3 options.  He personally doesn't think I should donate, but he is waiting for the surgeons who will actually do the surgery to give their input.

So that's it...it's back to waiting.  Again.  God is teaching me patience.  Again.  In any case, in my devotions this week, the Lord brought me to the passage in 2Sam 24 where we see King David taking a census of the people.  God is not cool with this and must then discipline David and Israel, but in the end He shows mercy.  King David then wants to give a peace offering to God, so some dude named Araunah gives King David some stuff for the offering - for free!  What a generous gift!  But David says something that struck me and made me really think about the situation I am in at the moment.  David says - 'No way man, I can't offer something to God that doesn't cost me anything!  No, I will buy it from you, Araunah.  Name your price' (my loose translation).  So David buys the stuff from him and offers up a peace offering to God.

But what David said really hit home for me.  How can I offer a sacrifice to God when it costs me nothing?  Up to now, this sacrifice of a kidney hasn't cost me anything.  So perhaps this is the cost - not necessarily the fact of the heart murmur and heart valve defect.  But making a decision to go ahead KNOWING what COULD be in my future.  That is the true cost, I think.  Just my thoughts.

In any case, after talking with Becks and discussing the 3 options, we are leaning towards going ahead with the donation.  As Becky says, we can't base our present lives on future 'what ifs' that might never happen.  Yes we need to make wise decisions, yes we must take into account many factors.  But we can't live on 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'.  So bottom line - we keep going forward until God truly and completely and finally shuts all doors.  I know some of you will not agree with this, so I ask you to pray with and for us.  Nothing is set in stone yet.  We will continue to pray and seek God....and of course, wait.  Let's see what the surgeons say in a month.  A very long month.  ;-)